Monday strikes again

February 5, 2013 family, Ramblings No comments

Feb. 4, 2013I promised the story to my friends on Facebook, so here it is.

I was sitting at work Monday after lunch not feeling too well. I thought something was wrong with my sandwich, and I was about to throw it back up. I was very nauseated. Funny thing is, Amy shortly sent me a text saying she was feeling the same way.

About an hour later, my mom calls and tells me Amy’s been in an accident. She was heading over to Mom’s place to pick up our son, but ran into a parked mail truck. I thought that was rather odd, but Mom told me to get over there because she was being loaded into the ambulance. Her back and her stomach were hurting pretty badly. So, out the door I go.

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The struggle of being a good dad

January 11, 2013 family No comments

Some days you just want to give up, but you can’t. Those precious little lives with which God has entrusted you are fragile. They require you. They need you. They want you.

I adore my children. I love them so much. Yet, it’s so hard seeing them constantly fight with one another, or more importantly, be disrespectful toward their mother. Don’t get me wrong. I’ve seen other little brats in the world, and mine are golden in comparison. But they can still ruffle my feathers on a daily basis.

Our daughter has a strong personality complete with the bossy, sassy mouth. She’s stubborn, and the worst part is, I know she gets these traits from me. Our son is laid back for the most part, but he’s starting to get a little personality, too. I constantly have to discipline them for arguing, hitting and pushing.

My wife was at a breaking point last evening because our daughter got into the car after school. She was in a great mood until Mommy said, “Hello, Sweetie,” and our son copied her. She then started fussing at her brother because he’s not her parent, and don’t call her that! After that, it was all downhill from there. Our daughter refused to obey her mom several times and fought with her brother all night. My wife just broke down after they went to bed.

I know I’m not an easy person to live with because I’m so independent. I’m not making any excuses, but my dad was hard on me, and I’m an old military vet. I reflect that past care and training onto them, and I don’t like that it just spills out. I need a filter.

I fear that is bleeding over into her personality. Because I’m an only child and have never dealt well with kids, I get so tense and stressed out by them on a daily basis. I know I need to scale back, and now I’m seeing the result of my careless actions and harshness.

But what do I do? How do I put away my own issues while trying to help keep theirs in check? This is my daily struggle.

Thanks for reading. Any comments with advice are welcome.

Happy New Year

December 31, 2012 family, life No comments

This closes yet another year in our lives. I am thankful to still be around, able to enjoy the life with which God has blessed me. This past year has been a mixed bag of emotions, but overall a pretty good one.

My wife got to visit England this summer, which I’m sure was the highlight of 2012 for her. I’m so happy she got to go and experience such a beautiful place. She deserves more perks like that for all she does for this family.

Despite my well-documented physical and mental bouts this year, I still had it better than a lot of others. The highlight of the year for me hobby-wise was the Alabama Phoenix Festival in Birmingham where I finally got to spend quality time with Sean and Robin. Even though I get to see and talk to them over Skype on a regular basis, I can’t wait to see them again this May. I really need to schedule a trip out to California for two or three days.

I’m not going to make any New Year’s resolutions because I know I’ll break them as soon as I do. However, I will say what I hope to accomplish in 2013, Lord willing:

  • Spend more time with God. I feel like I did better this year, but I have so far to go. That will be a constant theme of my life. You never reach perfect sanctification until you go Home to be with Him. I believe I prayed a lot more this year, and I certainly read more in my Bible. I just need to improve on both of those.
  • Spend more time with my wife and kids. I can’t elaborate more than that simply because it says it all.
  • More patient with my kids. I love them so much, but for some reason my nerves and my ideas/desires don’t jive. Sometimes I think I’m a bad father for how easily agitated I can get with them. I don’t mean to.
  • Work on becoming a better steward with our finances. I admit it. I’m horrible with them. I’m an impulsive spender, and I can’t ever seem to shake that addiction.
  • Develop better work habits and styles. I do well at my job, but I need to research more ways of doing things to improve our website and social media.
  • Stop getting so stressed out. Doc told me to, and I still haven’t come close to mastering it. Hopefully the top goal up there will eventually help with that.

Those are my parting notes for 2012 and upcoming wishes for 2013. I hope you have a blessed New Year, and here’s to all the happiness you could ever hope for.

Merry Christmas and Happy Pinball 2012!

December 23, 2012 Air Force, holiday, tech No comments
Our tree before the ornaments.

Our tree before the ornaments.

It’s almost Christmas Eve as I write this. It seemed like it took forever to get here, but now it’s speeding right by. Life is like that as you get older. I’m watching so many different things happen with friends and family as they get older. Some of them good, some not so much. As mentioned within the past few posts, the same can be said for me.

I was really hoping to be done with any type of physical ailments from this summer, but I’ve been having adrenaline rushes again all week. They’ve happened about three or so times per day, and I’m not doing anything to warrant them. It worries me, but today was much better. I got to spend a lot of time alone in my home office, which I think is what I truly needed.

Thanksgiving break didn’t seem like much of one as I was pulled from pillar-to-post all that week, and that’s not a good situation for me. As I’ve said before, I desperately need my alone time, so I’m really trying hard during this Christmas break to get as much as I can. I know the next two or three days will not be relaxing, so I had to make myself shy away from everyone today.

Santa should be good to the kids this year. I’m looking forward to seeing their faces Christmas morning as they get overly excited (just as they should). A lot of times I wish I felt the same kind of Christmas magic they’re experiencing again. There used to be nothing like it in the world, but again, as time marches on…

Speaking of Christmas wishes, I’ve always wanted a pinball machine. I simply can’t afford one right now, let alone having a place to put it. However, when I was in the Air Force, I always played “Star Trek: The Next Generation” whenever I went to the local BX. I was so addicted to that game (being a big Trekker doesn’t play into this, right?). To this day, I still believe I’ll eventually wind up with that machine.

Well, the next best thing is now out. I downloaded Pinball Arcade to my iPad, and just in time for Christmas, they’ve released that very Star Trek virtual pinball table. It’s just like it used to be, except I don’t have to pay a boatload of quarters to play. I’ve been playing it almost nonstop since I downloaded it. Between that and the two Elvira tables they’ve released, I’m madly in love with pinball again. Maybe one day I’ll have ST sitting in my garage, but I’m getting a lot of joy out of this version.

That should do it for tonight. It’s time to crash, or play more pinball until I doze off. I pray you have a wonderful Christmas. Most importantly, I pray you remember why we have Christmas. It’s not just for the parties and presents. It’s about celebrating the birth of our LORD and Savior Jesus Christ. So many people in the world are losing sight of how God chose to come to us in human form to die for our sins. There is no greater love than what God gives, and we are certainly not worthy of it or His grace and mercy. However, He freely gives it, and there is nothing more comforting.

Happy birthday, Jesus! Thank you for loving and forgiving a sinner like me.

I can smell vacation from here

November 5, 2012 family, holiday, life No comments

My doctor recently told me to ease up. I don’t think I’ve yet listened to him. I was also once told by a potential boss (when I was trying to land a TV job right after college) that this website portrayed me as very egotistical since it was all about me. He changed his tune after he met me in person, but I can understand why he thought that. I mean, after all, it’s a site I built and I maintain. I express my interests and concerns on here because… well… I can’t express yours, so sorry for my “first world problems.”

Anyhow, I have not eased up and relaxed. It’s very hard for me, especially with two kids. I’m an only child, I am used to having my own way, and I am used to time by myself. There. I’ve said it. The first step is admitting it, right? I love being a dad. I love being a husband. I love being by myself. Guess what you can’t have all at once?

This is the eternal conflict within my aging brain. The older I get, the more stubborn I get. I can’t seem to shake up my selfish priorities and put them last. I need to. I must. That is what God calls me to do: Others before self. This has been an issue I’ve been struggling with for years. I’ve been married since 1999, and I STILL can’t do it.

*Sigh* If you’re familiar with the Five Love Languages, mine is giving. I inherited that from Mom. We both love to give until our bank accounts scream for relief. My wife will tell you that. If I love to give material things, why can’t I love to give my own time to my family? I try so hard. I really do.

That’s where the “unable to relax” comes in. I’ve never been diagnosed with OCD, but I fully believe I have a lot of that going on upstairs. I can’t comprehend why my kids and wife do certain things a certain way, and it drives me nuts. I have certain ways I do things at work, and if someone comes in and alters my plans/schedule/ways, I get very defensive. Heck, I had an issue with that today. Once I thought about it from all angles, I calmed down. But just the thought of someone rocking my boat threw my mind into a whirlwind.

I wonder if I need to get checked out for OCD. It, or something like it, is causing me not to be at peace with myself or anyone else. I want to spend time with them, but after a few minutes, I get tense and bail on them. All of our lives are going by quickly, and I’m missing theirs. It’s one reason I got out of television news. I don’t remember my daughters first two years of life because I was never here. Now, I can’t stand to be around them much because I can’t handle giving of my own free time.

So what does the title of this post have to do with all of this? I’m getting anxious at work because the calendar is telling me I have the week of Thanksgiving off, as well as the two weeks surrounding Christmas and New Year’s. I need that time at home. I need that time to work in our garage. I need that time to work in my home office. I need that time to veg out. I NEED that time to spend with my family.

You know, I had a completely different mindset and idea when I sat down to write this. I didn’t expect everything above to spill out. Maybe it’s definitely time to get that OCD checked out so I can finally relax. I don’t know if that’s the answer, but I think it’d be a pretty good start.

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