Get you off this carousel?  You mean life?  What’s the reason?

Where to begin is the more appropriate question.

I haven’t really had a vacation in two years. So, yeah, I need a break from work.  From BOTH jobs.  Like … NOW.

But doesn’t Christmas and Thanksgiving breaks count?

No, not when you’ve worked your rear off the last two because you’ve had to take care of other family members.

But you have your health …

Not really.  I have a tumor on my left kidney with which the doctors can’t decide what to do.  I’m also on blood pressure medicine because I’m freaking overweight.  I’m overweight because I’m miserable, and I eat when I get unhappy.  I hate being this size.  I want to cut every ounce of fat off my body.

Hey, you’re successful!

If by that, you mean a college-educated person with a full-time job in this crappy economy, then you’re correct, yet still wrong.  No raise in three years means I’m working those TWO jobs. I’m not working that second job just because I have nothing to do.

I can’t even afford a car payment right now, and my wonderful car of 13 years just bit the dust tonight.  It may cost more to repair than the stupid thing is worth.  It’s now sitting lifeless in our driveway after being towed home.  I really want to blow it up.

Awww, c’mon. You have your wonderful family!

Yes, I do. I cherish them. Do they feel like I do?  Probably not, but that’s because of all the reasons listed above.  I’m grouchy ALL the time now, and I tend to take it out on them.  Should I? Heck no. Do I enjoy it?  HELL NO.

I want to be a happy and normal husband and daddy.  I want to be the husband again that can take his wife on a vacation.  Somewhere … somehow.  I want to be the daddy who gets excited to be home. Not the one who is dead tired and grouchy when he gets home, or doesn’t even make it home until bedtime most nights because of that second job.

I want my raise that none of us have had in more than three years.  Maybe if we get it, I can actually go back to just one job.  Heck, who am I kidding?  As soon as I get it, it’ll just disappear like every other dime I make.

Do I even make a difference anywhere anymore?  Does anyone even appreciate what I do for them anymore?

These are valid questions.  These aren’t ones I need answered to boost my ego.  I need them answered to feel somewhat normal again. To feel appreciated. To feel like I’m doing a remotely good job at LIFE.

Until then, all I can do is pray that God will somehow bolster my good spirits and attitude. But for now, all I tend to do is take it out of His hands.

I really despise myself for it.

Oh, the joys of sinus issues.  :)

For some reason, my sinuses decided to go nuts two days ago.  They kept me out of work yesterday afternoon and today.  I’ve wanted to work on my new proton pack, but I haven’t felt like standing in the garage to do so.  I’ve wanted to play video games, but I can’t sit still long enough, either.  Ah, well.  At least I’ve gotten some decent short naps in today.

The new pack, “Veronica,” is coming along nicely.  I’ve made so many little changes here and there to make her a GB1 pack that’s as accurate as possible.  It won’t be much longer until I paint it and get it pieced together.  All the dry fittings are exactly how I want them. I can then work on the gun. I’m hoping by the end of June to have her fully completed. Here’s the link of the photo progress.

Here’s a video I’ve got to share with you.  I’ve become addicted to “Epic Rap Battles of History,” even if some of them contain not-so-friendly language.  This is the best one of the bunch IMO so far:

Pretty funny, and not too disrespectful of Dr. Hawking.

That’s it for the night. I can’t sit here any longer. Have a great Easter! Praise God that Jesus rose from the grave that third day to pay for my sins.

After weeks of waiting, I finally got my new computer last week.  It’s been five or six years since my last upgrade, so I decided it was time for a new one.  It was the only plan I had for my tax refund outside of a new bedroom suit that Amy’s been craving.  We both got our big purchases, so here I am.

To say this new system is fast is a complete understatement.  It’s mind-blowingly fast.  Definitely worth the time and wait for it.  I can finally play “Star Trek Online” with the graphics fully cranked, and this thing doesn’t blink.  No matter what I’ve thrown at it so far, it laughs and yawns.  I love this thing.

That’s all I really have tonight.  I just finished a session of STO, and I need to go to bed.  Thankfully we’ve missed most of the current bad weather, so I can rest peacefully.

I took some time tonight to refresh the blog.  I’ve given it a new look, and I hope you like it.

Why the heck am I up at 2 a.m. posting this?  Because I’m off tomorrow (today).  Got big things to do today concerning Mom, so I took the entire day off from both jobs.  I won’t say just yet what the business is with Mom, but I’ll just say I hope she sincerely appreciates what we’ve done for her.

Appreciation and gratitude is something that has escaped her over the last month or so.  She’s gotten back to normal, which means she’s complaining about us and everything we do again. She can’t help it.  The neurologist diagnosed her with Intermittent Explosive Emotional Disorder.  Basically, she thinks the world and those closest to her are against her at all times.  It causes her to react in a very unpleasant manner if you even look at her the wrong way for a second.

(I promise there are some positive thoughts after the jump!)

Read the rest of this entry »

Wow.  I am really at a time in my life where I just want to quit.  Not quit life, per se.  I just want to find someplace warm and inviting and stay there for a few days.  If you read my previous post, you’ll understand why.

Things are fine with work.  We finally launched the new website, and that is certainly a load off my back.  I’m still having to make adjustments and train those unfamiliar people on how to update their own sites.  Mind you, I’m not a teacher.  I don’t have the patience to teach others, so this is very difficult for me to keep my patience when they don’t “get it.”  However, that’s nothing compared to getting the site finished.

Read the rest of this entry »